It's a week since my grandmother passed away... Though it was as peaceful and quiet as can be for her, it was quite sudden and unexpected for all of us. OK, we do know she was almost 85, had a nagging chronic leg pain that has bothered her constantly these past few years and that a few unfortunate events in the family have been heavy on her heart (though her unflailing spirit never once let us feel so)...
But all this never prepared us to face the eventuality. Had it been the case that she had to be on bed rest and we had to take care of her so, I guess we were ready for that and mentally prepared too. But not this. Definitely not this.. Suddenly hearing she has passed away in sleep one Monday early in the morning?!
Why is it that I long to hear her voice now and to hold her wrinkled hands now? Why is it that her voice answering my phone in her typical loving way keep resonating in my head? Why is it that past memories flash unexpectedly in the middle of a meeting or some work, causing my eyes to cloud as I struggle to balance myself?
Why is it that those simple wishes that she made of us, (like to call her more often, to visit her occasionally, to get her a coral bead string for prayers, etc), seemed so non-urgent and unimportant then? And why is it that I remember all of them at once suddenly now?
She never had an unkind word to say of anybody.. And even her scolding always had loads of love loaded that one felt just the assertion of her grandparental right. I wonder how her firm sense of practicality co-existed perfectly with the loads of love and goodwill that she had not only for us but for every single acquaintance in the whole village!
She was very VERY strong-willed and progressive-thinking in her own sweet way that prepared especially me and my sister to face the tough years of our life so far... Social taboos never stopped her from talking about or preparing us mentally about things that even our mother has hesitated to discuss with us..
And whenever there has been a crisis that has put the entire family under severe emotional, financial or psychological strain, she was always the first to take a stand (at times very unconventional), the first to give courage enough to face the society collectively and the first to adapt to any changes required...
Thank you for all of this Avva.. We cannot thank you enough for any of it. And we've never bothered to do so when we could have, all these years...
But all this never prepared us to face the eventuality. Had it been the case that she had to be on bed rest and we had to take care of her so, I guess we were ready for that and mentally prepared too. But not this. Definitely not this.. Suddenly hearing she has passed away in sleep one Monday early in the morning?!
Why is it that I long to hear her voice now and to hold her wrinkled hands now? Why is it that her voice answering my phone in her typical loving way keep resonating in my head? Why is it that past memories flash unexpectedly in the middle of a meeting or some work, causing my eyes to cloud as I struggle to balance myself?
Why is it that those simple wishes that she made of us, (like to call her more often, to visit her occasionally, to get her a coral bead string for prayers, etc), seemed so non-urgent and unimportant then? And why is it that I remember all of them at once suddenly now?
She never had an unkind word to say of anybody.. And even her scolding always had loads of love loaded that one felt just the assertion of her grandparental right. I wonder how her firm sense of practicality co-existed perfectly with the loads of love and goodwill that she had not only for us but for every single acquaintance in the whole village!
She was very VERY strong-willed and progressive-thinking in her own sweet way that prepared especially me and my sister to face the tough years of our life so far... Social taboos never stopped her from talking about or preparing us mentally about things that even our mother has hesitated to discuss with us..
And whenever there has been a crisis that has put the entire family under severe emotional, financial or psychological strain, she was always the first to take a stand (at times very unconventional), the first to give courage enough to face the society collectively and the first to adapt to any changes required...
Thank you for all of this Avva.. We cannot thank you enough for any of it. And we've never bothered to do so when we could have, all these years...
Sorry about your Grandmother..as u said she is strong willed and prepared u to face any tough situation ..now u have to..time will heal everything..
ReplyDeleteFirst time here..My eyes filled with tears...I could relate me at many places...Missed my granny last year when she was 94 yrs (Sep 25th 2012) then...Wasnt there near her side and still i long to hear voice and to hold her wrinkled hands... She was a strong willed lady as ur granny...Thanks much for this post...as its a kind of vent....
ReplyDeleteQuilled dedication to my granny (http://sathyapapercrafts.blogspot.ae/2013/04/quilled-dedication-to-dear-granny.html)
I can identify with your feeling completely Satya... It's amazing how little we express our love to our grandparents compared to how much they pamper us and care for us.. some realisations hit late and hard.. btw, thanks for visiting my blog..
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